We Are All Utterly And Completely Alone
This particular post is not going to be cheerful. The words to this came to mind as I was cocooned deep in my blanket, trying to squeeze my eyes shut, but flashes still running through my mind. My head was a turmoil of emotions, most of which were not very pleasant. If you are sad or are experiencing depression, this post will probably trigger you. But that's life; it's not all sunshine and rainbow. At one point in life, most of us would say, "My life sucks." I have been there, even got the full membership, though I only visit from time to time.
We are all utterly and completely alone.
It's a horrible thing to admit, but that's how it is. I'm sure you have heard of this before, but we were born alone and we are going to fade away when our time comes...alone. I know I have said that you're not alone and there are people who love you, and that's not a lie. But at the same time, we spend most of our time by ourselves in our heads.
Case in point, as I lied there in bed, surrounded by my sleeping dogs, fighting a panic attack, I felt like the universe had forsaken me. It was just after 3 am. I could think of no one that I wanted to pick up the phone to call. Everyone was sleeping. Even if they weren't, I was exhausted and I didn't want to explain the mess that was in my head.
I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to be okay. And I wasn't.
And thus, I spent my time trying to calm my breathing because I had to sleep. I had work the next day. I didn't want to wake up with puffy eyes either, so having a full-blown panic attack was out of the question.
Even after having been dealing with occasional panic attacks for about a decade, it does not get better. It's funny how our head is one of our most valuable features that send us shooting up the food chain, but our head can also be the cause of our demise. Damn those hormones. Maybe scientists should bottle up serotonin and dopamine in the form of essential oil or supplements so we can all inhale or take it instead of taking anti-depressants that can sometimes make you suicidal. Talk about irony.
As a science woman, we are literally alone. Our atoms ensure that we can never really touch another human being. We can get extremely close, but our atoms can't touch one another without ramifications. There's a depressing fact for you.
We all have to deal with ourselves, so we have to make peace with our own existence. Life is not fun all the time, and we have to learn to deal with that. Those who can't deal with it anymore would simply choose to cease to exist. When you're in your deepest despair, that might seem like a nice choice, but you have come too far to fade away into nothingness before your time is up.
Look, we all die at the end. None of us will escape death. But what we can do is make the most out of our short time here. Pain is a part of life. It's there to remind you that you are alive. Well, there are other functions, but for the sake of this blog, let's just say it's the main purpose. It's okay to be hurt, and it's okay to be alone. We all are.
And you know what? That is okay. Some days are harder than the others, but all days are not made equal. Maybe tomorrow is a better day. Maybe tomorrow, you will learn to enjoy your own company a little more. Maybe tomorrow, your head won't screw you over and send you a tiny dose of serotonin so that you can smile.
Whatever it is that you are dealing with, even though you will be dealing with a chunk of it alone, know that our human hearts are very strong--much stronger than we give it credit for. You will be okay. At least that's what I tell myself, too. Yes, we are all utterly and completely alone. But the fact that we are alone is the one thing that we all share. The fact that we hurt is another thing that we all share, so maybe, just maybe, those things make us a wee bit less lonely.
We are all utterly and completely alone.
It's a horrible thing to admit, but that's how it is. I'm sure you have heard of this before, but we were born alone and we are going to fade away when our time comes...alone. I know I have said that you're not alone and there are people who love you, and that's not a lie. But at the same time, we spend most of our time by ourselves in our heads.
Case in point, as I lied there in bed, surrounded by my sleeping dogs, fighting a panic attack, I felt like the universe had forsaken me. It was just after 3 am. I could think of no one that I wanted to pick up the phone to call. Everyone was sleeping. Even if they weren't, I was exhausted and I didn't want to explain the mess that was in my head.
I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to be okay. And I wasn't.
And thus, I spent my time trying to calm my breathing because I had to sleep. I had work the next day. I didn't want to wake up with puffy eyes either, so having a full-blown panic attack was out of the question.Even after having been dealing with occasional panic attacks for about a decade, it does not get better. It's funny how our head is one of our most valuable features that send us shooting up the food chain, but our head can also be the cause of our demise. Damn those hormones. Maybe scientists should bottle up serotonin and dopamine in the form of essential oil or supplements so we can all inhale or take it instead of taking anti-depressants that can sometimes make you suicidal. Talk about irony.
As a science woman, we are literally alone. Our atoms ensure that we can never really touch another human being. We can get extremely close, but our atoms can't touch one another without ramifications. There's a depressing fact for you.
We all have to deal with ourselves, so we have to make peace with our own existence. Life is not fun all the time, and we have to learn to deal with that. Those who can't deal with it anymore would simply choose to cease to exist. When you're in your deepest despair, that might seem like a nice choice, but you have come too far to fade away into nothingness before your time is up.
Look, we all die at the end. None of us will escape death. But what we can do is make the most out of our short time here. Pain is a part of life. It's there to remind you that you are alive. Well, there are other functions, but for the sake of this blog, let's just say it's the main purpose. It's okay to be hurt, and it's okay to be alone. We all are.
And you know what? That is okay. Some days are harder than the others, but all days are not made equal. Maybe tomorrow is a better day. Maybe tomorrow, you will learn to enjoy your own company a little more. Maybe tomorrow, your head won't screw you over and send you a tiny dose of serotonin so that you can smile.
Whatever it is that you are dealing with, even though you will be dealing with a chunk of it alone, know that our human hearts are very strong--much stronger than we give it credit for. You will be okay. At least that's what I tell myself, too. Yes, we are all utterly and completely alone. But the fact that we are alone is the one thing that we all share. The fact that we hurt is another thing that we all share, so maybe, just maybe, those things make us a wee bit less lonely.
From one broken heart to another,
Cath
xx
Pretty depressing post. I understand loneliness deeply. I have never felt like i truly fit in, especially as a teenager. I was labelled as mentally challenged and this label hurt me. I didnt make one friend in higjschool. I am 37 now. But with loneliness, or even feeling apart, it allows you to relate to other people ina way that the un-lonely may not feel as keenly. Perhaps introspection can breed insight. Would Gandhi have been the person he became without the burdens of insecurity and loneliness he had to overcome. Its an interesting thought to ponder. I have to believe we are connected to others deeply, and that are loneliness when properly handlee can drive us towards social change.
ReplyDeletePretty depressing post. I understand loneliness deeply. I have never felt like i truly fit in, especially as a teenager. I was labelled as mentally challenged and this label hurt me. I didnt make one friend in higjschool. I am 37 now. But with loneliness, or even feeling apart, it allows you to relate to other people ina way that the un-lonely may not feel as keenly. Perhaps introspection can breed insight. Would Gandhi have been the person he became without the burdens of insecurity and loneliness he had to overcome. Its an interesting thought to ponder. I have to believe we are connected to others deeply, and that are loneliness when properly handlee can drive us towards social change.
ReplyDelete