Slipping Away

I know I usually write about educational or thought-provoking (I hope) stuff, but I guess you can say the sentimental and emo side of me stirred back from its slumber. I have not written poems or dug into the "other side" of me for so long, it's healthy to let it out (and tearing up at work) every now and again...I think. Here goes:


Please hold me close. Tell me everything is going to be okay. The room full of people, noises, and the soft taps of keyboards clicking, seems oblivious to me. With headphones in my ears, I leave the world behind. I am standing in the middle of a lost road. I am desperately trying to step forward, but I can't seem to leave the past behind. Your face flashes across my vision like a ghost that I can't get rid of. I miss you. I miss you so much.

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No, I don't miss you the way I should be. I miss the "you" that I engraved in my head. I miss the "you" that the past me envisioned a future with. I miss the "you" that evoked my senses with every little touch. I miss the "you" that made my heart fluttered like a school girl seeing her first crush. The exhilaration that you breathed into me every time I see your face. The voice that I longed to hear, and wanted to hear for as long as time shall cease to exist. I miss the "you" that I was in love with...or at least I thought I did.

Please hold me. I want to feel the arms that sheltered me and shielded me from the world and its cruel claws. Hold me close. Don't let the monsters get inside my head and choked me from the inside out. Please don't let go. I want to feel the way it felt when you rocked me in your arms, singing me lullabies, keeping the monsters at bay.

I hated half of myself, but you accepted me with open arms; broken, ruined, torn apart and all. You built me a castle and made me your queen...and promised you would never leave.

I want to hold you close. I want to turn back the time. I want to capture all the feelings you gave that made me feel human. But try as I may, they slip through my fingers like sand trickling away in an hourglass. You said you would never leave. Even as I try to fool myself, I can see that you already have. Life has taken you away, but I can't seem to let you go.

I loved you. I love you. My love is to the point that I would be willing to ignore the jabbing pain and pretend that your touch still lingers in my heart; though we both know the magic has faded away. Maybe the magic will awake from its slumber. Maybe I will finally gather enough strength to look ahead and take one step at a time. One day. But not today. For now, please hold me close.

Love, Catherine