Are You Ready For Sex?
This article took me a long time to write. After the last
Khmer article I wrote about “Virginity” went viral, I was drowned in all the
comments, judgment, love, and hate. I knew that choosing to write about controversial
topics like I do, I was bound to be judged and ridiculed. I have spent the last two weeks contemplating how
I were to tackle this blog post; and I have decided to remain unbiased (at least as much as I can), blunt,
honest and as bare-naked as I possibly can.
I have been asked this question by quite a few young women:
do you think it’s okay to have sex before marriage? Simply put, yes and no.
There’s no right or wrong to this question for it intertwines with your age,
your culture, your partner, your maturity, and your readiness to dive into sex.
Bear in mind, as you’re reading this, that I’m NOT telling you which path you
should take; but before making that decision, you want you to be as informed as
you possibly can.
Pros:
Sex is a good thing. I’ve said this time and time again; sex
is the most natural thing in the world. If it wasn’t for sex, we wouldn’t be
here. As a living being, our instinct and purpose is to reproduce and pass on
our genes. That’s how we have managed to avoid extinction.
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| Credit: dailymail.co.uk |
As if that’s not grand enough already, sex has many health
benefits, too. I won’t go into details on the science of sex now, but before
and during a sexual intercourse, a person’s brain releases the hormones
oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine – the so-called “feel good”
hormones. They stimulate the brain, cause relaxation, and send enjoyment
to the reward system of the brain. The same brain activities that can be
observed when a person is using cocaine or when eating certain types of food.
Basically, sex makes our brain feel good and it can be quite addictive, too.
Sex helps you understand your partner better. Having sexual
intercourse is about the most intimate thing you can share with another person
(or people). What’s more intimate than having a part of someone else inside
you? Well, probably childbirth, but that’s a different story. As much as some
people would like to deny it, sex is a HUGE part of marriage. Sexual incompatibility
is actually one of the common reasons of divorce (at least in industrialized
countries).
Now imagine this scenario. After getting married, you found
out that your partner has higher/lower sex drive than you do, genitals that are
too big/small, has erectile dysfunction, or simply can’t make you orgasm. There
are also very very rare cases where you can be allergic to your partner’s semen. Be honest. Would you really be able to stay happily married to that
person for the rest of your life? Would you not be tempted to have an affair at
all? Most of us would not be able to. If you’re madly in love and are still
stuck in the honeymoon stage, you would possibly respond with a resounding, “Yes,
I would!” But the honeymoon stage does not last forever. Once the excitement
and madness wear off, sex will be one part of the glue that holds a marriage
together. There’s this saying that I’ve heard quite a number of times, “Would
you buy a car without testing it first?” Unlike getting a car, marriage is supposedly
for the rest of your life.
Oh no, it looks like this is going to be another long post,
but bear with me.
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| Credit: collegehumor.com |
Sex helps you understand yourself better; and I’m not only
talking about your body, your sexual desires, but it also helps you establish
your sexual orientation. Most of us are fortunate enough to know our sexual
orientation early on in life, whether it’s from adolescence or during puberty.
Some people, however, do not know their true sexual identity until AFTER they’ve
been with a person, especially for those growing up in a sexually-suppressed and
homophobic environment. I have talked and heard of plenty of people who did not
know they were gay until after they got married and realized that they are actually
sexually attracted to people of the same sex.
“But Catherine”, you say, “if sex is oh-so-great and
wonderful, then all of us should be having sex regardless of our marital
status, right?”
Not necessarily.
Cons:
Remember what I said the purpose of sex is? Reproduction,
which is one of the consequences of having sex. Whenever you’re having sex, you
are risking getting pregnant or getting a girl pregnant. Remember that the ONLY
100% effective contraceptive method is abstinence. Yes, there are plenty of
contraceptive methods out there, but they’re not 100% effective. A few of the
most effective methods (IUD, Implanon), are still only about 99% effective.
That means one in every 100 women using them will get pregnant at one point or
another. Remember that.
Three words: Sexually Transmitted Diseases. On top of
pregnancy, you can also contract STDs from having unsafe sex. Most STDs are
curable, some are only treatable; i.e. HPV, HIV, or herpes. I can’t stress this
enough: ALWAYS practice safe sex. That means using condoms (one at a time, in
case you didn’t know that) or dental dam (because yes, you can get STDs from
oral sex, too). If you are homosexual, although you don’t have to worry about
knocking someone up, you should still practice safe sex to avoid STDs. They are
not pleasant.
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| Credit: health.com |
As much as I would like for us to live in a peaceful and
understanding world, we aren’t. People can be prejudiced and they can hold on
tight to social norms or taboos for dear life. When you choose to have sex for
the first time, know that people/society will try to shame you for it. Some
parents even disown their kids because of that. Will you be able to handle that? Will you
be able to lift your middle finger to the air and say, “fuck it,” to society
and people who judge you for that? Are you strong enough to take control of
your own (sexual) life?
Now that we’ve gotten the pros and cons out of the way,
before you make any decision, I want you to ask yourself some questions.
Are you ready to have
sex?
A lot of people, especially teens, choose to have sex
because of peer pressure. That’s one of the reasons NOT to have sex. I don’t
think you’d want your first time to be in the back of a car or in a motel room.
Are you being pressured into having sex by your partner? Are
you afraid that your partner would leave you if you refuse? If you answer yes
to either question, then it’s probably not the right time. If your partner truly loves
you, he/she will respect your decision. If otherwise, that person does not deserve you.
Can you handle all the cons/consequences? If you happen to
get pregnant, get STDs, or if people find out and ridicule you, would you be
able to handle that? Sex is great, but everything has its own consequences.
Only YOU can decide which is worth more.
Look, I am not advocating for sex/no sex before marriage. I
want everyone, especially all the teens and young adults out there to make
informed decisions. Let’s face it. People are going to have sex whether you
like it or not. Stop shaming them for it. If no one opens up and talks about
this, you’re going to see heaps of teens fooling around, getting pregnant at 16
or going to an unsafe abortion “clinic” or even getting or committing sexual
assaults.
If you’re reading this because you’re unsure whether or not
you should “lose your virginity” (and I’m using the term loosely), I hope this
has helped you somehow.
Love, Catherine
XOXO
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