Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Things I Wish I'd Known Before Jumping Into A Relationship

Believe it or not, I have only been in a relationship once. If you know me at all, you'd know that I'm a very flighty person, and I have moments when I realized that I'm in a relationship and go into panic mode. It happens more than I can count, but I'm still here. Just as every else in life, I have stumbled, fallen, made mistakes and made some very stupid decisions. If I could go back and gave some advice to my 19-year-old self, this is what I would tell her:

A trip to Bali might just be the "oomph" that spices things up
  • The honeymoon stage of a relationship really exists. While it's all butterflies, roses and sunshine in that stage, things will get real once that stage is over. You might think your relationship is special and the rainbow will never fade. That's just the honeymoon stage talking.  
  • Relationship takes A LOT of work. Dating might seem hard because you're meeting a stranger, you're trying to show your good side, and you're trying to get to know said stranger better, but relationships are nothing like that. It should be easy since you may already know that person inside out (literally). You know what sets them off, and you don't have to hold yourself back to impress them. But that makes it very easy for you two to be so comfortable with one another that eventually, you just fall into the same pattern. I see that happens a lot with many couples. You do the same thing every weekend, you have sex the same way, and the excitement is not really there anymore. That's why it takes a lot of work and effort for you two to NOT fall into that zone. Don't mistake comfortable with boring. 
  • Falling in love is very easy. Staying in love, however, is hard. And yes, you can love someone while hating them and not being in love with them, all at the same time. Relationships are confusing.
  • People change. People grow up, and they change. It's just a fact of life. The person you dated a few years ago might not be the same as the person you are with today, and you can't change them back. There's no ctrl + z in life.
  • Be romantic.
  • A little compliment goes a long way.
  • Don't take your partner for granted.
  • Try something new. Be spontaneous.  
  • Love your partner and show them that you love them.
  • Think long and hard about moving in with your partner, because once you've moved in together, things will become very serious. It's easier to break up with your partner when they're not living with you, but once you've lived together, breakups can be very messy. In a way, it's like a divorce, just without all the legal paperwork. You will have to decide which asset is yours, and you'll have to find another place and move out. The person who gets to stay in the same place will be haunted with memories of their ex. At least for a file. And if you two own a pet, that will be like getting a divorce while having a kid. You gotta decide who gets the pet and if there's any visitation. Messy. 
  • Whatever you do, however unhappy you are with them, don't cheat. It will destroy the person being cheated on.
  • If you're unhappy, don't drag it on. There's no point in delaying the inevitable. Set yourself and your partner free to find someone else. 

  • Heartaches really hurt like hell. You know how singers, poets and artists like to portray heartaches as this "end of the world", "hurts like my heart has been ripped out of my chest" pain? It feels kind of like that. They're not dramatizing it. When you love someone, it really sucks to see your relationship crumble to pieces and someone you used to be your "everything" become your "acquaintance". Breakups hurt. In fact, there's actually a scientific reason why heartaches hurt just as much as physical pain, but going into that will just take this post to another path all together, but maybe next time.

Keep in mind, though, that I've only had one relationship, so don't take all my words for it. All relationships are different, yet all relationships are more or less the same. Human can be very predictable sometimes. You just gotta know where to look. I hope you find this helpful.

Love, Catherine

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