A Moment of Gratitude

This will be a very short update just to thank you guys for all the support that I've received. A friend of mine wrote an article about me, which was published earlier this week on the KhmerTimes. What happened afterwards still brings a huge grin on my face. After sharing the articles, both Khmer and English, on my Facebook, I did not imagine the amount of support that I received from all of you. I can never thank you enough to being on this journey with me. And of course, I wish that I could thank each and every one of you personally, but I can't. 

Credit: memegenerator.net

If you haven't read it already, the article was about my life, my struggle with family issues, being different and living with bipolar. Some people have told me that the article moved them and they were inspired by how I overcame such a hard life. Sure, my life hasn't been easy, but whose life has? Yes, I've had some bumps in the road here and there, but that's part of life. 

I won't lie; living with a mental disorder isn't easy. There are days when the corner of the room is my
best friend and I keep screaming, "why me?" But on days when I'm stable, like today, my mind is clear and I realize how blessed I am. I have people who love me, jobs, and everything I want in life. I don't wish for a private jet or a fast convertible, though it would be nice to have them. My life hasn't been easy, but it hasn't exactly been hard. Tell you what, if I could choose, I would choose to live my life exactly how it has been. I would choose to experience the same heartaches, the same suicide attempts, the same tears, the same laughter all over again because those bittersweet experiences have shaped me into who I am.  

After hearing some comments from people, it seems as though people think I have it all figured out. It seems as though people think that I'm this wise, enlightened person. To that, I say, I have no idea what I'm doing half the time. There are days when I wake up, stare at the ceilings, wondering what the hell I am doing with my life. I don't really know who I am. I'm still growing up. I'm learning. And every little lesson that I've learned changes me to a degree. Don't think I've got it all figured out. I'm just living life one day at a time. 

The thing with life is that life will always screw you over. At one point or another, life will throw you into the middle of the ocean. When that happens, you have two choices: either you swim or you sink. I was literally thrown out of the house and faced with my own personal demon. I chose to swim. I wanted to sink, but I just couldn't. It's not because I was brave. It was because I was scared. I was scared to leave it all behind. I was scared that my existence would've been meaningless. One of the most frightening moments in my life has been the moment when I realized that I was too afraid to live, yet too scared to die. 

This article might seem a bit too random, but I just want to get it out there. Don't let people tell you that you have no rights to feel bad about your life because children in Africa are starving and blah. Don't let people shame you for feeling suicidal just because someone out there is suffering from some terminal disease and you should be grateful for your life. People deal with difficulties differently. What may seem as trivial to you might seem like the end of the world for someone else. 

Life is not easy. Life is never easy. Life is a bitch. But you only get to do it once. Life brings you tons of crappy stuff, but it also brings you unforgettable moments of joy, love, and so much more. Experience all of it. When you're happy, get out there, dance, sing, do your thing. When you're upset, or hurt, know that it's okay to be f-ed up. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel like your world is coming to an end. We've all been there. And I'm not going to tell you that just because your life isn't very easy right now, that it will get all better, peaches, rainbows and all that. It might, but then again, it might not. But the only way to find out is to keep on going. 

Again, thank you so much for your support. It means everything to me.

Link to the article in Khmer

Love, Catherine

XOXO