Why I Write About Sex

I never want to ever explain myself for anything I do because I believe that I don't owe anyone anything for my own decision, but right now, I feel like I have to make this clear. 

Earlier today, I was told that "all men think about is having sex with me because I write about sex." That was like a slap in the face. This is exactly what I have been trying to explain, but apparently, it has backfired, because now, some people view me as nothing more than a walking vagina because I "talk about sex."

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When I was about 12, we had sex education lessons in biology class. But guess what? My teacher skipped it. My teachers kept skipping it until I was in 10th or 11th grade. One day, we had some volunteers from a local planned parenthood organization come to talk to us about reproductive health. Everyone was blushing bright red, and no one dared to ask any question about anything. Some of the boys giggled. Some of the girls were terrified when the volunteers mentioned menstruation because that was a topic that we should not talk about in public. I was one of those students who were extremely embarrassed. Bear in mind that most of the students were about 16 years old.

In 8th grade, one of my female teachers told us that women give birth through their anus. She was serious about it. She was not married, so she did not know that the vagina is different from the anus. We were horrified when she said, "it's painful enough when you're constipating. Imagine a baby coming out from there. It would hurt like crazy, so be thankful for your mother." We didn't know any better, so we believed her. Needless to say, the female student body was traumatized.

Right now, I want you to close your eyes. Yes, close your eyes and think back to the first time when you learned about sex. Was it in class? Did your parents talk to you about "the birds and the bees"? Or did you learn about sex from your friends? What about safe sex, contraception, and respecting other people's decisions when it comes to sex? When did you learn about that? I remember the first time I found out about sex. I found a stash of pornography in my house. That's how I found out about sex. I found out about men and women having sex through pornography. I thought it was the most disgusting thing anyone could ever do. I found out about sex through my friends. I was about 6 or 7 years old.

This should not be the way it is. I've heard from a lot of my friends saying that we don't have to educate people about sex because we all know how to do it. They're right; we all know how to have sex. The problem, however, is having safe sex, using protections, and avoid being assaulted, pressured, or sexually assaulting others. That is not something that we instinctively know how to do, especially when we're being brought up in this patriarchy society. 

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We must admit that a lot of us learned about sex through pornography at one point or another. The problem is that pornography is a male-catered industry that does not, in any way, portray how sex is supposed to be in real life. In real life, not all women are shaved clean. Not all women like to be ejaculated on. Not all women like swallowing a man's ejaculation. Not all women have large breasts. And not all sex begins with the woman pleasuring the man orally with him holding her head and controlling her, the man may or may not perform oral sex to the woman, those two people have sexual intercourse for 20 minutes, and ends with the man ejaculating on the woman's body or mouth. Real life is not a scripted routine. Sex is a dialogue -- each party has equal say in what they want to do. In the majority of pornography, do you see women taking control of their body or even deciding what to do?

That is why I write about sex. I want to let people out there know that women have a say in what they want to do with their body, even regarding sex. Sex is enjoyable when you're being safe. Sex has consequences, so before you decide to have sexual intercourse, you have to be sure that you're ready to face the consequences. Most education systems don't teach teens about this. Even in America, sex

education focuses on using abstinence-based programs. When people refuse to talk about sex, young teens end up having sex without knowing what they are getting themselves into. Women are being objectified and sexualized with the hope of the media. Sexual assault is not fully understood. Women aren't aware that they have the rights to say no to sex, even when they are in a relationship with the man. One in five women in America will be sexually assaulted at one point in their lives. Teen pregnancy is at a rate of 75 women per 1,000 women. In Cambodia, one in five men have sexually assaulted a woman, and most of them don't think that they were sexually assaulting the woman.

I talk about sex, because I want people to know and understand sex. I talk about sex because most of us don't want to talk about it. I talk about sex because young teens are not aware of anything about sex other than the fact that it's a man using his genital to penetrate a woman's genital. I talk about sex because young women are being reduced to merely sex objects, and they are shamed to the point where they don't even want to touch and explore their own body. I know and have heard that some men and some women aren't even aware that a woman has a urethra, a vagina, and an anus.

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Just because I talk about sex doesn't mean that I want to have sex with everyone. It does not mean that I have a high sex drive. It does not mean that I'm a slut. You can not make an assumption on who I am and my sex life just because of what I write about. It's exactly like assuming that a woman wants to have sex (or is asking for it) based on what they wear.

I talk about sex simply because I believe that sex is a beautiful and intimate experience, and I want people to be able to fully enjoy it.


P.S. I highly suggest checking out the page "Make Love Not Porn".