Unconsciously In Love
Last week, we were discussing about how our mind (especially our unconscious mind) works. In this post, we're going to talk about the connection between our unconscious mind, social interaction, and love. I have always been fascinated by science and psychology, so researching for this was like leaving a kid in a candy store for me. I can only hope that you guys will be as excited about this as I am, but then again, aren't we all excited about love? Well, your brain might has something to do with that excitement.
Priming
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The New York Times actually wrote an article about an experiment done by psychologists at Yales University. The study participants unknowingly were asked to hold a cup of coffee for a laboratory assistant. Afterwards, when they were asked to rate that hypothetical person, the participants who held a cup of iced coffee rated that person to be colder, less social, and more selfish. Another study that was done showed how people tend to clean up more thoroughly when they smell a faint tang of cleaning liquid or citrus scent in the air.
Unconscious Selection
Studies have also shown that when we meet someone new, our unconscious mind generalizes that person based on earlier encounter with people. That means that whether we are aware of it or not, we stereotype people to a certain degree. According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a PhD Biological Anthropologist, our brain is constantly calculating the people that we meet -- what they wear (to determine their background), the way they move (to determine their energy), facial expression, and facial shapes (to determine their testosterone and estrogen levels). None of this is conscious to us at all.
Dr. Helen Fisher also did a study on 28,000 people to figure why we fall for certain people and not to others. She concluded that there are four archetypes of brain determined by the hormone levels in our head. The explorers are driven by dopamine; and the builders are driven by serotonin. Both the explorers and the builders are drawn to the same type, whereas the directors are drawn to the negotiators. The directors are driven by testosterone; and the negotiators are driven by estrogen. Again, we are not aware of this consciously at all. It's all the work of our mysterious unconscious mind.
Falling In Love
Scientifically speaking, our heart doesn't control love; our brain does...our unconscious mind does, to be almond-shaped groups of nuclei located deep and medially within the temporal lobes of the brain, which spring into action when you're in danger. Therefore, in a way, the amygdalae is a panic button, going off in response to the stress, which happens to be love. That creates the excitement that we feel when we're in love. Consequently, it turns us blind so that we won't look too closely at the "stress" or "danger". I guess, love really does make us blind.
exact. Love is our body's stress reaction. When we fall in love, our amygdalae becomes active. Amygdalae
exact. Love is our body's stress reaction. When we fall in love, our amygdalae becomes active. Amygdalae
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Alright, we all know nothing lasts forever. It goes the same way for the cocktail of "happy" hormones. In the early stages of a relationship, normally known as the "honeymoon" stage, we are addicted, blind, and stressed out. At least neuro-biologically, unless your relationship is so rocky from the start that you're already stressed out. If that's the case, then you might want to rethink some things. But anyway, that honeymoon stage can last for weeks or months, but it will wear off. Normally, it fades between six to nine months.
I can hear you asking me now: "If it fades away, then how come many many people stay together for longer than six to nine months?" Well, the answer is another hormone is being produced during that honeymoon stage to seal the love. And that hormone is none other than the "love" hormone. When people are intimate, the hypothalamus creates a hormone called oxytocin (I wrote a post in details about that weeks ago). Oxytocin helps create bonds between people; hence, even when the honeymoon stage is over, you have already built a bond with that person. In conclusion, the love is still there. In some cases.
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FUN FACT: If you dream about someone you've never met before, it's because you have met them before. Your conscious mind just isn't aware that you have met them, but your unconscious mind has definitely stored their face in your memory.
Phew! I guess this is it from me for this topic. I want to cover only the basics of it, because I want you guys to be able to grasp this. Let me know if you have any questions or comments down below. I'll be doing a double-posts week this week, so stay tuned for another post in a day or two. I hope all of you are doing okay. I have received some incredibly encouraging messages from some of you about this blog, and I just want to say that I'm very grateful for all the support. At least I know I'm not the only one reading this. Take care, and stay safe.
Love, Catherine
XOXO
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