Slut-Shaming And Victim-Blaming
Madonna once sang: "It's a man's man's world"; indeed, the world we're living in is a man's world. Women have come a long way from being traded as objects to finally having our own rights and becoming leaders. Although women are gradually being acknowledged and appreciated in the workplace, when it comes to sexuality, women still have a long way to go. Sex is still a taboo topic for women; for those who rebel against that and openly express their sexuality are deemed as being "sluts". What's even worse? A lot of those women are blamed for being sexually assaulted.
The Rape Statistics:
Before we get to what "slut-shaming" and "victim-blaming" are, let's look at some of the rate statistics around the world. In America, a woman is being sexually assaulted every two minute. In addition to that, one out of every six American women has been a victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. That is America we're talking about -- a developed country where people are widely educated about sex and sexual harassment.
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| Image via bristol.ac.uk |
The situation is quite the same in Sweden. According to a recent report, one out of four women in Sweden is a victim of a sexual assault. Let us take a moment to actually wrap out head around that. Twenty-five percent of women have been sexually assaulted in Sweden. Twenty-freaking-five percent.
Now let's take a look at my country: Cambodia. Approximately, it is estimated that one in five men in Cambodia have committed rape at least once in their lives; half of whom did it for the first time when they were under twenty years old. Five percent of men reported they participated in gang rape or "bouk" (meaning "plus") in Cambodia. That's one of the highest rates in the Asia Pacific. Now what does that say about our world? Is it that men are not educated enough about rape or is it that women need to learn to protect themselves from being a risky candidate? Is it about men lacking respect for women or women lacking respect for themselves? Should women go back to wearing chastity belts?
What is "rape"?
Now that we know too many women are being raped far too often all around the world, we need to know what constitutes as "rape". When most people think about rape, they think about a girl/woman walking alone in a dark alley, only to be stalked and approached by a strange men as he forces her to have sexual intercourse with him while she screams for help. But guess what? That's not always the case.
The legal definition of the word "rape" varies from one state to another, from one country to another, but generally, "rape" is a type of sexual assault initiated by one or more persons against another person without that person's consent. Those who can give consent also varies from one place to another, but mostly, individuals who are minors, mentally-disabled or under the influence of substance intoxication can't give consent. That means if you're having sex with a person who's flat-out drunk or underage, it constitutes as rape. Even if that person has been "coming on" to you, "flirting with you", or seems as though they "want it", if they're too drunk to talk, they're too drunk to give consent. Any sexual acts committed to them can be and will be regarded as sexual assault.
Slut-Shaming:
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| Image via xojane.co.uk |
This is where "slut-shaming" comes into play. The term "slut-shaming" basically means shunning women degrading them for wearing provocative clothes or enjoying sex. The best part? Women are usually the ones slut-shaming other women. It amazes me how women today are still consumed with jealousy and envy for other women that we actually shame other fellow women just because of the way they dress or act. We should know better than this.
When a woman claims that she enjoys sex or is open about her sexuality, we call her a "slut". Sometimes all she does is wearing "provocative" clothing and she'll be labeled as a "slut" as well. How ridiculous is that? Aren't we living in the 21st century? Don't we have rights for our own body and what we do with it? We're not exactly harming anyone even if we do enjoy sex now, are we? I'm not saying that men don't play a role in the "slut-shaming" phenomenon, but women should start respecting other women as well before we expect men to respect us.
Victim-Blaming:
Slut-shaming is bad, because it leads to victim-blaming. I can't tell you how many times I've heard people blame women who have been sexually assaulted for the way they dressed. And I can't even begin to tell you how angry I am every time I hear someone tells me that if you wear "racy" clothes, then you'll get raped. Did you notice something about that? Did you notice how the actual rapists don't get blamed as much?
Forget about equality -- there's no equality between men and women. When men have multiple sexual partners, they're congratulated and be considered as a "hero" or a "stud". They're applauded for hooking up with many women, drinking heavily, or having wild drunken nights. Flip that around to women and you won't get the same image. When women do the walk of shame, it's really the walk of shame, for she will be frown down upon for having one-night-stands. I don't even think it's a common thing for women to be congratulated for having many sex partners. Boys will be boys? Maybe it's time for us to stop using that crappy excuse.
Let's imagine this for a minute: one of your male friends just told you that he'd had sex with twenty women in the past month. How do you feel about that? Now, let's switch it around. One of your female friends told you the exact same thing. Now, is your reaction different this time around? We are wired by society to think that it's normal for men to want sex and taboo for women to be sexual. I hate to break it to you, but women are just as sexual as men.
To further illustrate to you how awful slut-shaming can be; behold, I present to you, three real-life examples of how women get the shorter end of the stick when it comes to sex:
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| Image via mirror.co.uk |
On August 17th 2013, during an Eminem concert in Slane Castle in Slane, Ireland, a 17-year-old was photographed performing oral sex on two different men. Social networks were flooded by those photos, along with hashtags #Slanegirl and #Slaneslut. People went as far as trying to get her name and age out, while the guy's identity is never mentioned. She was called a "slut" by many people all over the internet; whereas the guy was called a "hero".
On August 11th 2013, a 16-year old intoxicated and unconscious girl from Steubenville, Ohio was undressed, repeatedly raped, carried from party to party, photographed, recorded, laughed at. She was then, proceeded to be shamed for coming forward and speaking out. According to CNN reporters, Poppy Harlow and Candy Crowley, the girl had "destroyed" the lives of two "promising footballs stars and good students". The girl was sexual assaulted and people were giving sympathy to the people who committed the crime? I'm speechless.
Finally, there's the story about Amanda Todd. She was groomed by a man on the internet to bare her breasts for him on the internet. Being only 12, she agreed to do it. Later on, the man used the photo to blackmail her. She was bullied in school and on the internet, up to the point where she started self-harming. She was being called a "slut" and a "whore". On October 10th 2012, Amanda Todd committed suicide by hanging herself. The man in question was outed by the hacker group called "Anonymous".
Now what can we learn from all of this? It's a cold world we're living in. People are not exactly
looking out for one another. We need to understand that we're all different and that we need to respect other people. "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself", remember?"
Regarding sexual assault and rape, we can't just teach women to protect themselves; we need to teach men to respect women and for women to respect other women as well. If a woman chooses to wear "provocation" clothes, then by all means, it's her right to do so. Men can't use that as an excuse to rape her, and women shouldn't use that to justify them being raped. Nobody deserves to have their rights violated.
And guys, never ever ever assume that a woman "wants" it. We can't read minds, so don't jump to conclusions. Always remember that "no" means "no. Even if you've been together for decades or you're married, if someone says "no", it strictly means "no".
Alright, I guess I should wrap this up now. I hope you guys are doing well. And I hope that you got something out of this post. Take care!
Love, Catherine
XOXO
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