Love Mileage
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I've been drafting a few posts before I finally decided on doing one on the topic of "long distance relationship". It came to me at the last minute. Long distance relationship is actually a very beautiful, bittersweet love. One of the myths is that it doesn't last. That's true for some cases, but don't most "normal" relationships end, too? Long distance relationships are very challenging to maintain, but in this day of technology, anything's possible. If you guys read my earliest post, you'll know that I was in a long distance relationship. Actually, I've been in two long distance relationships -- both lasted approximately six months. In this post, I'm going to let you guys in on some tips on how to maintain long distance relationships (LDR), the odds, and some gadgets that you can utilize to ease the yearning for one another.
Communications:
I can't stress this part enough. With any type of relationship, communication is the pulse that pumps understanding to both people. However, it's slightly for LDR, because you don't have the physical contact to make up for it. The relationship is basically stripped down to verbal communication. Distance can drive two people apart, so you have to make sure that however you're living your life, you have to include your partner in it as well. Keep them up-to-date on events that are going on.
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There are various ways of communicating: texts, calls, video chats, letters, and so many more. The degree of how often the communication varies from one couple to another. Some people set up the rate to calling every other day; whereas some other couples call each other for a few minutes everyday. Personally, I think at least a text a day and a call two to three times a week should be enough. Anything less than that might make your partner forget all about you.
There are some amazing apps for you gadget-lovers out there, such as: Facebook, Messenger, Skype, Line, WhatsApp, Kik, and my current favorite: Couple. For those of you who aren't familiar with "Couple", it's an app specifically designed for couples. I love all the features. You can chat, video chat, record a voice message, send them a drawing, check-in your location, and thumb-kiss them. Thumb-kissing is when you both place your thumb on the same spot on the screen, then your phone vibrates as a "kiss". It's cheesy as hell, but for a gooey romantic like me, I love it. It doesn't hurt that the app is free as well.
Express Your Emotions:
I know some guys are going to groan when they hear this, but in LDR, you have to express how you feel. If you miss your partner, tell them. Tell them as many times as you can. Remember what I just said about not having physical contact to make up for it? There are many opportunities where they'll miss looking into your eyes or taste your sweet kiss to see how you feel about them; hence, you have to verbally express your feelings. Don't be afraid of being too gooey. Eventually, it'll become natural to you. Channel your inner romance guru. Tell them you like/love them as often as you can. Always remember that in LDR, your words is your most powerful tool.
Rules! Rules! RULES!!!
It's essential for you to set up some rules or guidelines on what you can and cannot do during the LDR. Some couples allow their partner to date someone else, excluding sexual intercourse. Some other couples prohibit any dating all together. You have to determine where the line should be so that both of you can feel more secure in the relationship.
Loyalty:
When
you're entering a LDR, you have to accept the fact that your
relationship is not going to be a "normal" relationship. The path is
going to be very hard and lonely. There are going to be a lot of nights
where you will hug a pillow on a cold bed, wishing it was your partner.
The longing and the yearning are the best and worst parts of LDR.
Loneliness can be very painful to bare sometimes. But you're not in this
alone; in 2013, 14 million people in the US are in LDR, and 32.5% of
them are college relationships.
When the loneliness takes over, try to resist the urge to cheat. I know sometimes it's so much easier to seek comfort in the arms of someone else, but remember how much your partner means to you. Here's a statistic that will cheer you up: couples in average, spend 14 months apart being moving close together. That's only a year and two months. If they're worth it, they're worth the wait. If not, then you might need to reconsider your relationship and talk it out with your partner.
Arguments:
Arguments in LDR are the absolute worst. You're arguing with them and they have the power to log out from the conversation at any given time. That's the most irritating part to me. Unresolved arguments tend to lead to resentment; therefore, try not to leave any arguments unresolved. Don't log off angry. Whenever possible, try to be patient and understand. Remember that in relationships, you can either be right or be happy. Love is patient, love is kind, alright?
Gifts & Surprises:
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I'm not saying that you should shower your partner with expensive gifts. Handmade gifts are usually the most precious. Ever since technology has taken over, handwritten letters are slowly going extinct. If you have the time, write your partner a letter instead of an email. It might take time for them to receive it, but it'll be worth it.
Another way to spice things up is by writing them poems. I loved it when I woke up with a beautiful poem written by someone I cared about. You don't have to be Shakespeare or Robert Frost to move your partner with your poetry skill. It's the thought that counts. An alternative is to recite poems to them. "Doubt thou the stars are fire; doubt that the sun doth move; doubt truth to be a liar; but never doubt I love." What kind of heartless person would not be touched by that? Bare in mind though, NEVER take credit for someone else's work.
Some other gift options are flowers, photos, or scrapbooks. Those items are cheap, but they have sentimental value in them. Well, flowers can be pricey, but that's not the point.
Playlist:
I got this advice from a YouTube channel named "kaelynandlucy", and I think it's a fantastic idea. I have soundtracks for every moment of my life. Try compiling a playlist so that you can listen to the songs when you're missing each other. Here's my list of LDR-related songs:
- "Jet lag" -- Simple Plan
- "Radio" -- Hot Chelle Rae
- "Distance" -- Bruno Mars
- "Summer paradise" -- Simple Plan
- "Come back, be here" -- Taylor Swift
- "Plane" -- Jason Mraz
- "Hey there Delilah" -- Plain White T's
- "Home" -- Michael Bublé
- "Come home" -- OneRepublic
- "Wish you were here" -- Avril Lavigne
Yes, it sounds weird, but it's possible. One example of this is Skype sex. Phone sex is also another form of LDR sex. When you're so far away from your partner, it's beneficial to try to spice things up by having some sexy time. Trust me, it's going to be very embarrassing at first, but you'll ease into it. I was introduced to this sex toy called "Zeus and Hera" for LDR couples a few months back. Here's a link how how it works: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voSewFD3pL4
Visits:
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LDRs are nothing if neither of you is planning a visit any time soon. Visitation is a must for LDR. Try to be see each other at least two to three times a year. If you're booking a flight, try to book as early as possible. The earlier you book, the cheaper the price. Another tip is to fly at an odd time where a lot of people won't be flying out. That means no flying on holidays. Try to save up as much as you can because flight tickets can be very pricey.
Friends:
Don't sit in front of your computer and skype each other all day long. Try to be with your friends, too. As I've mentioned earlier, LDR can be lonesome, so you'll need your friends to lean on at times. Go out and have fun. Don't put your life on hold just because your partner isn't there. Your partner will want to know that you're still living your life and having fun, not just sitting around, moping. Besides, if the relationship goes down the drain, you'll need your friends' support even more.
Good Mornings/Good Nights:
Last but not least, try to text or call your partner to say "good morning" or "good night" every day. Not only are you maintaining the communication, but you're also showing them that you're thinking of them first thing in the morning and last thing before you go to sleep. It's sweet.
Alright, my love, those are all my tips for maintaining a healthy LDR. I know that LDRs are not for everyone, but some people can make it work. If you want your partner bad enough, it's going to be worth a try. I hope you guys are doing well. I'll be back next week. Share some comments down below if you have any more tips or songs for LDR. Don't forget to spread the love!
Love, Catherine
XOXO
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