The Ugly Truth of Life
Lately, I’ve been living in a situation where you feel
like the whole world is just against you; everything that can go wrong keeps blowing
up in your face. You’re stressed out at work, your friends are in trouble,
bills are stacking up, your personal life keeps getting into trouble and you
don’t have anyone to turn to. No matter how strong a person can be, when you
feel as if life is punching you in the face every time you get back up, you
eventually start to question the reason why you should even be getting back up
again.
I know people say: “Life is worth it in the end”,
“Everything’s going to be alright.” But here’s the ugly truth about life: We
all don’t know what’s going to happen. We don’t know whether it’ll be worth it
in the end nor do we know whether we’ll end up dying alone or not. We all have
questioned our existence at one time or another, and some of us do it more
often than others.
The problem is, I’m not the same Catherine I used to be
over four months ago. Instead of giving up, I wanted to fight back. I forced
myself to realize that: yes, life might not be worth it in the end. Yes, I
might just die alone with no one there for me. And yes, it might be better to
just stop the pain. However, if I end my life in this moment, then I am
definitely making sure that I die alone and stop myself from ever finding out
whether this thing called “life” is really worth living before mine hasn’t even
begun. If I am so scared of all of this, then why am I making the choice to
make those things a reality? It’s as if you kill yourself just because you’re
scared that other people will kill you. The logic was lost on me.
When life punches you back down every time you try to get
back up, fight back. You might win and you might lose, but you’ll never know
unless you fight back. Life is like a book with different characters and
chapters coloring the pages. Each choice you make determines your next chapter,
your next page. Would you read a book that has “The End” when the entire story
hasn’t even unfolded? For me, I want my protagonist to keep on fighting even if
she dies trying in the end.
I looked around my house and thought if I don’t want to
live for myself, I can live for others. I thought of my mother and how she
needs me. I thought of my cat, Abby, and how she needs me, too. She was
abandoned in a pagoda and she was rescued. I know that if I die, no one can
take care of her and give her the kind of love that I can give her. My plants
need me to water them. If I don’t want to live for myself, I can use my
strength and energy to help those who need me. I can use my strength and energy
to make a difference in this world.
We all get hurt, we all feel overwhelmed, we all fall
down; we are all humans. Love can tear you apart; life can break you into
pieces. But you’ll never know until you try. So if you’re feeling down on your
luck and you want to give up, do this girl a favor: take a deep breath. Fill
your lungs with air and breathe your pain out. Look around your house and
you’ll see that you are needed. Your family, your pet, and your plants need
you. Do whatever it takes to get some release; bawl your eyes out or scream on
the top of your lungs. Clench your fists and fight back harder this time. Life
can either be ugly or beautiful depending on which color you choose to paint
it. Wherever in the world you are, you’re not alone. We’re fighting this battle
together. I love you for fighting with me, and please, don’t ever give up on me
because we’re in this together.
Love, Catherine
XOXO
I love reading this baby! It brought me back to that time but yes, not just what's around you and inside your house but outside, esp in our country, tons of people don't have half a chance we have. So live to lift them up! They need us! :) Some of them don't even know that they need us but we could prove that. Lolz!
ReplyDeleteThank you, sis.
ReplyDeletealways love ya Xoxo
I'm curious to know what that devastating news is, if you don't mind?
ReplyDelete